


An Only Somewhat Indecent Proposal

by agoldenblackbird (mass_hipgnosis)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gen, HP: EWE, Pureblood Society, in which geneaology is somewhat terrifying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-18 20:25:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13689180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mass_hipgnosis/pseuds/agoldenblackbird
Summary: Harry finds some very tangled branches in his family tree and considers burning the whole thing down.  As always, Hermione is the voice of reason.





	An Only Somewhat Indecent Proposal

**Author's Note:**

> Continuing my tradition of not participating in EAD because in my little corner of the interwebs, [every day is EAD.](https://agoldenblackbird.tumblr.com/post/157249464023/happy-valentines-day-have-some-fic) Instead, have some stuff that's finished! Confetti!

“Oh Sweet Merlin on a bicycle, I think I'm going to be sick.” 

“Harry? What's wrong, what are you reading?” Hermione looked up from her book to see that Harry did in fact look a bit green, which was quite a feat in the lighting of the Gryffindor Common Room, candlelight glinting off gilded frames and playing up the warmth of ruddy-toned tapestries. 

“I'm looking at the extended Potter family tree, the one the Goblins did with blood magic. My grandparents were double first cousins.” 

Hermoine felt her jaw drop. “You mean....” 

“Charlus Potter was the son of Hadrian Potter and Victoria Potter nee Bulstrode. Dorea Black, the entire reason she was allowed to marry a _Potter_ was because she wasn't actually a Black, so they didn't care who she married. I'm not related to Sirius. Violetta Black nee Bulstrode, my great-grandmother's _identical twin_ sister, was having an affair with Hadrian's younger brother Ignatius. Marius and Dorea were both blood Potters. Cygnus called Ignatius out and killed him in an honor duel when Dorea was just a baby....Sirius told me no one ever knew why. I guess now we do.” 

Hermione knew her own horrified expression was a mirror of the one on Harry's face. “If their mothers were identical twins...” 

“Then from a genetic perspective, they were half-siblings. I know. And they _knew_ about that part.” He made a little _urk!_ sound in his throat before swallowing hard. “No bleeding wonder it took them twenty years to have kids, I'm surprised my Dad didn't come out with two heads! I thought it was bad enough all the cousin-marrying that goes on in some of the old families, but if there's children of affairs running around...I could end up marrying my own half-sibling and not know it! Gods!” 

“Harry, I'm sure your Dad didn't cheat on your mum.” 

“How the bloody hell do I know that? He could have been out screwing around every night of the week and twice on Sundays! It's not like I can ask him now he's dead! Or he could have got someone up the duff at school before he even got together with Mum and the witch's relatives hushed it up!” 

He got a little wild around the eyes the way he always did when working on a harebrained idea. Hermione thought they were done with those thanks to the end of the war, but apparently not. He leapt out of his seat like he'd been spring-loaded and got down on his knees in front of her, where she was curled up on the red velvet settee in front of the fire. It was late, and there was no one else in the Common Room, even one of the other Eighth-Years who technically hadn't got a curfew. 

“Hermione, you know all your grandparents, right?” 

“Yes...?” she said a little uncertainly. 

“None of them magical?” 

“No. My great-grands aren't either. My great-grandmother on my mother's side was a Squib from Lyon, she was a war bride. The Goblins helped me trace it.” 

“What family?” 

“The Merteuils.” 

Harry reached out for the scroll he'd left on his chair, it flew into his hand, and he started scanning it frantically. “Merteuil, Merteuil....Merteuil....it's not on here. No French families are.” He almost sagged with relief, scroll fluttering to the floor, then gathered both her hands in his and looked up at her very seriously. “Hermione, I have a very big favor to ask you. I need you to marry me.” 

“Well this is the sort of proposal a witch's dreams are made of,” Hermoine said in what she thought of as her McGonagall-scolding-Gryffindors tone. 

He cringed. “I _know,_ I'm sorry, it's just the only other girl I've ever really liked that way is Ginny, and now that I know what I know about my ancestry....I'll never be able to get it out of my head how much she looks like my Mum. I always wished the Weasleys were my family, you know, but not like _that!”_

“Hang on. The only _other_ girl?” That was certainly news to her. 

He flushed pink. “I figured you knew. I mean, I was really obvious about it, third year. At least until that stupid fight over the Firebolt. And then the Yule Ball...you had a date right away, and you told me about it when you wouldn't tell anyone else. I thought you were letting me down easy, before I could make a tit of myself asking you out.” 

“Oh,” was all she could think to say. Finally she gathered her wits and asked, “Do you still...feel that way?” 

“Yes. Always. I'd never, I didn't mean to...I'll always be your friend, Hermione, you're not obligated to-” 

Hermione shut him up with two fingers across his mouth. “How about we start with a Hogsmeade date,” she suggested, feeling the slow unfurling of a crush she'd long ago rolled up and tucked away. “And if you like, you can ask me again in a year.” 

“Yeah.” He smiled at her, green eyes almost glowing in the firelight. He made no move to get up, and his hand tightened on hers. “I'd like that.” 

**Author's Note:**

> me: What a sweet review! I think I'll reply to it.
> 
> social anxiety: ORRRRR
> 
> me: hoe don't do it
> 
> social anxiety: ORRRR we could be an awkward turtle and overthink our response for TWO MONTHS and then not reply at all because it's been too long and we made it weird! And then stress out about how we didn't reply and it made us look rude and ungrateful!
> 
> me: ugh why are you like this
> 
> social anxiety: AHAHAHA
> 
> I am trying to be better about responding to ALL messages, from internet-folk and IRL peeps...it's actually my NY's resolution for 2018. But. It's very much a work in progress. So if you get a response in your inbox to a review you left a month ago, that's why.


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